No amount of benevolence spares gargantuan cockroaches with the audacity to fly at me and make me dance with the heebeejeebees and then display such foolishness as to hide beneath the toe of an unworn shoe.

PS - Kiss your evening goodbye - I give you "whose line is it anyway?" on youtube.

Tags: Bugs, ohaka house

I was riding my bike up the street towards a housewares shop - Super Savers - that I was looking for. As I rode up, a girl rounded the corner onto the street and put something pink down next to a stop sign. "Did she just non-chalantly place some trash on the street corner?" I asked. As I came up behind her it was in fact a juice box. I rode by, disgusted, but then, disgusted a bit at myself, I turned around and picked it up.

The girl, you she, who had headed up the street and disappeared, was wearing a yellow Super Savers jacket. I parked my bike, put the drinkbox into my shopping bag and entered the shop. What was I going to do? Confront her directly? Say "wasuremono" (forgotten thing) and hand it back to her?

I found the pot I needed and then spotted her down an aisle, stocking shelves. What to do? I slunk around the corner and watched her from behind as she took stock from a box and put it on the shelves. My chance! She turned away and I lightly tossed her trash into the box of new merchandise. Heart pounding with glee, I managed to negotiate buying a pot and I dashed out of the store. Victory!

Life here is proving to be ... interesting.

Let it be said that squat toilets are tricky. I hunkered down to do some business but suddenly realized my pants were horribly in the way for the coming onslaught of pee and had to kink the hose, so to speak, while I nearly fell over. Meanwhile, the cheap door to my apartment (right next to my bathroom door, which I had left open) decided to open itself and expose my idiot behind to the hallway. I pulled the bathroom door shut and managed to finish.

Hastily pulling the main door shut, I walked out into my main room with my pants half-on right into the middle of a funeral that had started 20ft away. Duck for cover! Luckily unnoticed.

The morning of my first stay overnight I was forcefully made aware of my new sleep schedule - early. Dawn is at 6:00 and while I don't get any direct sunlight in my north-facing window, I get a lot of light. Not having curtains doesn't help that much, but once I leave Aeon I am excited about getting up earlier and going to bed at a decent hour.

Tags: Apartment

Brain, meet beer. Beer, I am sure you are already acquainted with Mr. All-You-Can-Drink; he'll be our maitre d' for the evening. Brain, this is All-You-Can-Drink - you may call him Can - a close friend of his. The relationship will become apparent in good time.

Brain, I'd like to introduce you to Karaoke. She's not from around here and her name is pronounced Care-ah-okay. She'll be dancing with the ever vivacious Mr. Vocal-Chords, although I suspect that he'll retire before she will. He's eager but doesn't have much talent, you know.

Brain, you of course know Legs, over there, near the band. I'd like you to keep an eye on him, because what he does always affects the rest of us. If you let him get pulled in by that tart, Latin Music, we'll never see him again. I also ask you to keep him from New Dancing Shoes. They look like trouble.

Ah... Mr Sense, so nice to see you again. What's that you say? Looking for Brain? Why I have him here with me right now. I beg your pardon. That rapscallion and Mr. Brain look nothing alike. Good evening. Really, what an allegation, especially from such a reputable figure in society. Mistaking you for that troublemaking Phallic fellow. I personally turned him out 30 minutes ago.

My name my good lad? Surely you jest. Ego, at your humble service. I do like to throw the parties but they always attract such riffraff. Come with you and Can to the bathroom? I can't imagine what to discuss but very well.

What's this, I say, unhand me! You go to far Messieurs Beer and and All-You-Can-Drink! Mr. Brain, you do bear a resemblance mmmmmmpf! Save me Sense! Ooof!

Roight. Where were we? Cop a feel on Consequence, that prude? Roight, deal.

Tags: partying

In pure English conversation school chatting-after-class style, I have been asking friends and family if they have any New Year's resolutions. I have received 5 types of responses. The first is, "no, I haven't thought about it." Second: "no, my life is fine as it is and I am happy." Third, and the largest response, "No, New Year's resolutions are stupid and never work out." Next: "No, if you are going to do something, do it on any day." Lastly "Yes, I want to be happy, lose weight, reaffirm my marriage etc."

I am going to go on record and say that all of this is bullshit.
1 - why aren't you thinking about your life and the way it is going? You are leaving your happiness up to the fates and remaining passive about your circumstances.
2 - either you are one of the truly rare and blessedly happy individuals or you are settling / turning a blind eye to areas that can be improved. Just make sure you know which kind you are.
3 - resolutions often don't work out, but they aren't stupid. It is a chance to look at your life and see what you like and dislike. It is true that a year's resolution is often too much pressure and once it is broken even once the whole business falls apart. However, this can be solved.
4 - this is a hardass response from people with either a huge amount of willpower, or no resolutions to attempt anyway. I agree to a certain extent, but the good thing about New Year's is that it is like a reset button, a really really big one. You can wipe away past failures and try anew.
5 - these resolutions are essentially doomed. I was reading the top 15 resolutions over at 43 Folders and the majority of them lack the clarity to even know if you have succeeded or failed:

1. Read 50 books in 2007 - GOOD! Makes my list look short, but I have some stupidly big and hard books in there.
2. exercise regularly - BAD! What is exercise? What is regularly?
3. lose weight - BAD! How much? 2lbs? 200lbs?
4. drink more water - BAD! How much?
5. stop procrastinating - BAD! You can fail this by procrastinating even once.
6. start a photo journal - take at least a photo a day to represent my life - GOOD! Really clear.
7. stop eating sugar - BAD! Again, this is super easy to break.
8. Read more books - BAD! Undefined. See #1.
9. Practice Yoga - BAD! When, how often?
10. Read the entire Bible - GOOD... I guess...
11. Save money - BAD! How much?
12. make 2007 my best year yet - BAD! Totally vague! What does a good year mean to you? It must be defined.
13. get a job - GOOD! if a bit easy.
14. eat healthier - BAD! again, undefined, vague, breakable
15. meditate daily - Pretty Good, but how long, when?

In fairness this is just a list of titles. Some people may have more distinct details figured out. The point is, if you don't have a clear goal, you can't score. So, here is my list of tips I am going to try to use myself that I have picked up in my own reading:
1: Be clear. Know exactly what your parameters are. Drink 3L of water everyday. Save $100 a month.
2: Don't set yourself up for a fall. If your goal is "quit smoking" you've blow it the moment you light up once. The resolution becomes totally useless. "Cut down by 90%" is slightly easier, and it accommodates the occasional slip up, thereby preserving the goal.
3: Have a plan. Even the nice 50 books a year resolution can fall flat on its face if you don't have a schedule laid out, an idea of how many books you need to read a month, how many hours you need to read every week, or even an idea of when you are going to do all of this reading every day.
4: Positive visualization. If you find yourself dwelling on how much it sucks to do what you have resolved to do, you are one rainy day or stressful situation from cracking. Instead, remember why you made the resolution. Envision, Stanley Cup style, how rad it will be when you hoist that goal over your head.
5: Rewards. Lastly, the strongest visualization sometimes lacks the force of a cookie. Are you doing well? Reward yourself! It can be a spontaneous pat on the back when you start losing a little bit of steam, or it can be a semi-large reward at a fixed point. Are you sucking ass? Steel yourself, pick a small reward to put off for a little while, then push to get started again. When you finish you can savour your success and the cookie -- this is psychological gold.
6: Reset. The good thing about New Year's resolutions is that it forces people who would otherwise not look up from the grind to consider their situation and try to forge a new path. One big problem, however, is blowing it, often before the "worst day of the year", this year falling on Monday, January 22. (It is called thus because the weather is shit, xmas debt bills arrive, the party is over and most people have already blown their resolutions). Just remember: every single morning is a chance to reset. Look past the symbolism of the New Year's resolution and try out having one kickass day. Then add another. Repeat. If you blow one, start over like it didn't happen.

By now you must be thinking, ok smarty pants. What the hell are your resolutions? I am going to put my balls on the line here and post about my progress. So, the list:

--Quittez mon travail, locate new employ, generate more monetary units, labour less temporally (sorry, this is in code in case any of mes etudiants are reading)
--Fill one Moleskine journal with writing. I'll do original work on the right page, revisions on the left.
--Submit my writing once a month to magazines or journals, 6x poetry, 6x articles.
--Shoot 5000 photos on my new camera.
--Read the entirety of my Book List and write reviews for each book.
--Pay off $12000 of debt, Save up $1000 before I make my work move.
--Learn all of the meanings of the Basic 2000 Kanji
--Learn all of the vocab from the Genki textbook and Minna Text
--Kick the Japanese Proficiency Test's Ass (Level 3, that is)
--Use Joe's Goals - See the Sidebar - to track my progress in the following small or incremental goals: 10 Minute Showers, Clean 15 Mins, Write 30 Mins, Do Knee Exercises, Early for Work, Empty Email, Empty Inbox, Plan Tomorrow, Practice Kanji 15 mins, Read 30 Mins, Stretch, Study Vocab 15 mins, Woke Decisively (within 10 minutes), Write 30 mins

Now, I could say "I am going to write every day!" but that's easy to break because really, shit happens. With this set up, I have different weighs for each activity so there is more pressure to do some, and I have to do at least half of them each day in order to stay in the positive. I have just set it up, but I am going to try to keep my score at least +4, but I may fiddle with that yet.

I'll keep track of my progress in the sidebar and in updates - at least monthly. What are your resolutions? Leave a comment and I'll feature you and your quest!

I write this on the plane, in the middle of the third movie, hour seven onboard. I have realized, in the last 10 days of hectic visiting and feasting, that neither the words vacation nor holiday clearly define the state of being recreationally away from work. Vacation, sure, covers the vacatedness, and "holy day" the special significance and party aspect, but neither really nail down what is often vacating one situation and entering another, totally different, all encompassing experience. Thus the "vacation from my vacation" trope. Even more than visiting a new place, the shock of returning home hits unexpectedly hard. Hence "reverse culture shock."

Which is what was running through my head as I sat dazed at my mom's house, a banquet of baked goods and an array of questions before me. I had had little sleep on the plane -- note to self, do not sit next to the emergency exits ever again as the seats don't recline -- and I felt myself trying to put some distance between myself and home until I adjusted.

Shock hit even before I left the airplane. I asked the stewardess buckled into a seat next to me whether my luggage would transfer or not. She replied: "No, because you are switching from an international to a domestic flight. So, go and get your shit and walk down the hall..." etc. Go and get your shit -- this certainly wasn't "I recommend that the honourable customer retrieve his honourable luggage and proceed down the hall, so please you." I was startled but amused.

The second shock came in Tim Hortons. I ordered my two favourite doughnuts -- the apple fritter and the sour cream glazed. The former was standard, but the latter, my God, the latter, was nigh upon inedible! I couldn't believe how sweet it was and how much my palate had changed. I ate it, of course. But it was a struggle - that's what I am getting at.

The next 5 days were a whirlwind of family and a couple visits with friends tossed in. In brief:
23rd - arrival, shellshock and assault by sweets
24th - visiting, up to Lisanne's place for the Eve
25th - presents and off to the Harper's
26th - breakfast and then off to dad's

and with that, I'll let the photos do the talking. I will add, however, that I stood my ground at poker for 3 hours, and it was my first time! Gallery or Slideshow.

Before I left, Sachi and I celebrated Christmas a week early. Dinner was chaotic and an incredibly long affair to prepare, but the food was largely good and I miraculously managed to make 5 pumpkin pies in the toaster oven. It is actually not too hard. Make the filling as directed on the can, pour the filling into a shallow crust (1.5cm or so I think) and then bake for 10 minutes twice, rotating if the crust starts to burn prematurely. I actually found that it cooked better without a crust, just in aluminum pie plates, as there was no burning problem.

My last week in Japan was one of extreme poverty: buying the ticket home and my new camera, as well as Christmas presents, left me eating Christmas dinner leftovers (read: ham) and whatever else $2 a day would buy me. Now that I am successfully on my way home I don't have any regrets, but it was a bit dodgy there for a while.

I don't know much about chemical addiction: hard drugs, cigarettes, coffee -- but I know a thing or two about psychological addiction. I started playing video games when I was 8, but it wasn't until I was 14 that a sudden influx of income permitted me to buy and play games at a previously unknown level. Weekends dissolved. Weeknights evaporated. The peak of my "problem" was in university, living with my good friend Matt. Matt has more games than anyone I know and he generously shared them with me. Within 2 years I had purchased a Xbox and a Gamecube and I spent my weekends and most of the summer of 2004 moving from one distraction to another.

Then I finished university. I looked back from the vista provided and saw a string of unread books, a relatively small social life and a total lack of a girlfriend or anything resembling a date. More importantly, I saw the future: living in Japan, working and then letting video games sop up the rest of my time. Moreover, I needed money, so I quit video games and sold the lot.

The pain of the transition was soothed by a totally new circumstance. However, Japan is possibly the worst place in the world to go if you want to be free of vids! When I arrived and found out that even one of my students worked for Nintendo, I knew I was in for trouble. Even so, I persevered, with only slight lapses in temporary situations like arcades and the visit of Matt (bearing his own games).

Until yesterday.

On a whim, though the unconscious uses the word "whim" as a shield for more nefarious doings, I went looking for Mac games on the net. I found Fallout 2, a game that friends had raved about, concerning life after nuclear war. I installed it. As though a light had suddenly burnt out, 6 hours passed. The game wasn't particularly fun, as I had played games made by the same studio after this one, and I could see what had improved in the next games. Even so, despite dying, finding the controls annoying, endlessly watching my character swinging his spear and missing and waiting again for my turn-- EVEN SO --I was totally immersed in the pursuit of items, quests and levelup opportunities. I wasn't even enjoying the game, but I was drawn into the activity.

Scientists call the drug that is released during concentration dopamine, I think. Like a guy craving a cigarette after 20 years, I felt the same desire, but also the guilt. I knew I had betrayed myself and my resolution to quit. Playing was a guilty exercise that violated one of my values "time is the most precious commodity". So, I deleted it all in a fit of self-disgust.

Apologists will say: we need a way to relax, it is just as much a waste of time as any other idle hobby so there is no harm in it, it isn't a waste of time if we enjoy it. However, my problem with vids is that they are almost entirely a closed circuit. Yesterday, I poured myself - 6 hours - into a game that gave me a little pleasure back, but that's it. No new friends, no learning, no life-changing experiences, other than the realization that they weren't for me anymore.

It basically boils down to death. For those of you, who, like me, have been drawn into activities that produce little if anything, I suggest weighing your vice against eternity. Napoleon didn't even have time for sleep, Asimov wrote from 9:30am to 10pm everyday.

Death is tomorrow - is there something you need to do today?